he asked me what i wanted to do for my
birthday this year.
always a conversation that can go sideways pretty quick
but ideas tumbled out of my mouth
and i found myself being saturated with a feeling of
i knew then,
what i thought i knew the day before.
i have made peace with my birth story.
and there is a ligthness to my steps and a fresh energy
that is following me and there are sweet spaces opening up inside of me
making room for new experiences.
i have laboured over my birth and adoption story for two long years.
much longer really,
but it wasn't something i understood fully until i faced the feelings head on.
i have travelled deeply into that time in my life
and i understand myself much better as a result.
my triggers make sense.
and while they are there still,
when i feel the reaction
instead of pushing it away or not understanding
or worse yet, blaming,
i can see that all is well.
i am able to observe myself
and love that little baby part of me and just let it be.
i am grateful for the journey
but even more grateful to see what is ahead.
i think i might just have a birthday party this year
and enjoy it!